Journey of 1000 steps

Hey, I'm Allen

A 21 year old with way more problems than he should have trying to create some sense of normalcy. Since it seems one of the things I love doing the most is writing long rants/stories about my mental state, life, ect I jsut decided to start a Blog so only people that want to hear my shit can read it.

I'm a bit more of an open book than I should be so instead of boring people with details or disturbing them with things noone should know about me I'll just wait till someone seems interested enough to ask me. On that note one thing that I should tell is I suffer from Cronic depression and am an Air Force vet with 80% disability (Yes, at 21) as such my life has not gotten on track since I was discharged, that was 3 years ago (Yes I became a vet at 18 and no I don't care if you believe I deserve disability or not. It's bad enough getting odd looks at the VA hospital from people that all look like they can be my grandparents)

Point of this blog

Since like I said I like ranting and storytelling this is my attempt to take it off of Facebook, Fur Affinity, and Deviant Art since noone on Facebook cares and where people are there for my art, not my life story. Another reason is because like I said I am trying to get my life together and writing will help me keep track of how it's going as well as, if I actually get people to read this, get advice or maybe help someone out in the same boat. I know alot of depressed people and if I can learn to live with it over time maybe something in my blog will help them. I wanna write it every day as an attempt to start a habbit (Since I am opposed to ANY changes in my daily life and routines of any sort) but that may be to much and I may do it every other day. If I can get into the habbit of doing something small like this I can show myself I can make new habits.

A few goals to get me started

I honestly have no idea where to start so I'll just list everything and see if I can get them done in a good fasion. I won't set many long term goals considering there's no point if I can't keep shorter term goals. and I won't list them all because I can easily overtask myself. The major ones would be:

• Make my living environment healthier
• Start writing to-dos AND DO THEM
• Limit my time on games and the internet
• Find my hobbies and persue them
• Prioritize my tasks
• Try and get a normal sleeping habbit
• Turn all my time doing "Nothing" into something
• Actually help the community instead of donating money to anything I see at the checkout line
• Start getting physically active and improve my health
• Get my anger and sadness out instead of supressing it

I think that's a decent start, none of them seem to hard and most of them I can do in a month since they all basically involve me physically doing something so I can tell when there are results. I said I was gonna start this on the first but I procrastinated which, along with my lack of motvation, are going to be the two things that will stop me if I let them. I'm hoping activly doing and updating this blog can help with that.

Goal of the day - Making a better environment

Since I share a room with my brother it's usually a pigsty, and because we attempted to "Clean" the other day it's alot worse than usual. I was going to wait till he goes back to school because he and the dogs are a huge distraction and I was dumb enough to expect his help. I'll just consider him untrustworthy and will do it on my own wether he's here or not. If I can't get over him and the internet being distractions I have little hope in getting anywhere

Short Rant

I was going to make Rants a part of every blog (Clearly labled so you can skip it or go directly to it XD) but most of my anger went away just typing, so maybe I'll rant first in the future since ranting is a good way to express myself XD I will say though when have people become so selfish and focused on themselves that they would feel the need to send other people down just to build themselves up. I've seen so many depressed and unhappy people threwout the internet and they are usually met with hostility. Bold comments saying no body cares, people validating their feelings of worthlessness, or people ignoring it all together. I don't care who you are or how much someone complains, if you see someone down you help try and pick them up and wether or not they accept your hand is their problem. Staying quiet because you don't know what to say or because you believe you'll make it worse is not an excuse to not try. The world is a very VERY dark place, you will almost never be rewarded for the good you do and fortune only comes to the wicked, but that's only because most people have a messed up vision of Rewards and Fortune. If you are bigger and stronger it's you responsability to help the weaker and if your weak like me you have a chance to change.